Secret Spirituality

Repentance.  When Lu Lobello returned from active duty in Iraq, he was haunted by the memory of one particular incident.  Early in the takeover of Baghdad, his marine unit had shot up a suspicious car that turned out to contain civillians,the Kachadoorian family. Only the mother and a daughter survived, all the men were killed.  Lobello was discharged from the Marines due to actions related to his suffering from PTSD.  He eventually researched what happened to the survivors in the Kachadoorian family.  They had moved to California and lived not far from Lobello.  Through a reporter who had written about the Kachadoorians, a meeting was arranged.  The conversation was awkward, but the mother and daughter, both Arminian Christians, told Lobello that they forgave him and welcomed him as a son and brother.(Excerpted from Christian Century, February 6, 2013.

He sought them out.  Why?  We don’t know why.  I suspect, at least, he was sorry, ashamed, suffering under the weight of guilt.  They gave him a gift.  They released him from the self-affliction of guilt and they welcomed him as a member of their family.  In Christian love, he became to them like the ones he had taken from them.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.   

Repentance means to turn around, make a u-turn, precisely because you realize you are going the wrong way.  Stubbornly, pridefully, we refuse to turn around.  Today, we are invited to turn, to return to the Lord our God; gracious, merciful, slow to anger, abounding in love.  The invitation to Lent is an invitation to make a u-turn, to reverse course, to go back.   What does repentance look like?  The move begins inside. In the heart and mind.  What direction is my life heading in?   Have I contributed to suffering?  Have I ignored responsibilities and obligations?  Have I put the interest of others before my own? It starts with confession, recognizing the wrong.  

With Repenting, you not to do all the work. It is only a step in the right direction. How do we take that first step? First, be motivated by the promise that God loves you and forgives your sins. What you have done, said, left undone or unsaid—all is washed clean.  In the promise of Baptism, you get to start again. If you do not believe that, repentance is in vain.  If you do believe in the God who loves you, repentance will take you on a path of new life. 

Second, Jesus extends the ancient invitation to pray, to fast, to give. These spiritual practices have given people direction, hope, and above all a connection with God.  The spiritual practices cross religious boundaries and are demonstrated by Jews,Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists all over the world.   Jesus commands that his people do them in secret: So what did he mean?

What is secret prayer? I listened and this is what I heard. Man, turn off the obsession with your own voice, your own thoughts, and the insanity of noise that surrounds you all the time. You cannot pray while watching tv or updating FaceBook and checking email. And Beginners—like you-- must begin alone, in silence, in secret. Listening.  Verbal prayers will come later.  Start with silence and listening. Whose voice is more important anyway, yours or Gods?      

What is secret fasting?  Man, you eat more than your fair share, don’t you?  You waste, while others starve. Stop overconsuming, hoarding, devouring everything like a glutton. Every restaurant feeds you more than you need at a cost you can’t afford. Let go of your dependence on easy access to food.  This is fasting.  It is not giving up chocolate or coffee.  It is to refrain from your obsession for more. It is to ignore the lying voice of scarcity suggesting that you will not have enough for tomorrow.  Fasting reconnects us to our body’s natural needs and to the one who feeds us.  Hunger pangs are a gift, reminding us that we depend on God’s provision to live. Eat only what you need for a while and make sure your neighbor has enough too.  Because there are plenty of humans who will not eat today, not by personal choice but by insufficiency.  You give them something to eat.  This is secret fasting.

What is secret giving?  Man, do not hold on to what is not yours. Do not be possessed by things, whether money or clothes or guns or electronics.  Let go of these things.  Release them.  This is giving.  It is to let go of possessions that possess our hearts, our minds. Secret Giving frees us from hypocrisy of being known for our generosity. And it frees us from the mines.  This is mine, that is mine, I only want what’s mine.      

“In secret” is Jesus way of saying, start with yourself.  Get alone with yourself and reflect on yourself.  Let these practices work in your own heart. Don’t care what others think, how they act, or react.  Just do these things. The spiritual disciplines of Lent are best practiced in secret, according to Jesus. For it is in secret that we find ourselves and we meet God.    “In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.”. May repentance take root in your life this Lent, in the form of secret prayers, fasts, and gifts.  The true gift has already been given.  Jesus Christ, who prays for us, who fasted for us, in whom we have hope and the promise of eternal life. Amen.
― Mother Teresa, In the Heart of the World: Thoughts, Stories and Prayers