God, too, has a dodgy track record in the listening department. In Exodus, God hears the cries and prayers of his people and rescues them from tyranny and suffering. The Psalmists give God mixed reviews; Psalm 116: "I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He inclined his ear to me, therefore I will on Him as long as I live." Psalm 34: "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles." Psalm 61 "Hear my prayer, O God; listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart faints." The Psalms are such wonderful prayers for us, because they are honest and real. Does God hear me when I cry out, when I pray? Is anyone out there listening? I have wondered that more than once as I have attempted to pray.
The biblical prophets suggest that God will not listen to the prayers of those who pray to God, but ignore the plight of their vulnerable neighbors. Isaiah 1: "When you stretch out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood." Isaiah also suggests that the dullness and indifference of the religious community is God's doing, so that they might experience the fullness of God's absence. "make the mind of this people dull, and stop their eyes, and shut their ears, so that they might not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and comprehend with their minds, and turn to be healed." Jesus will borrow this passage to interpret the use of parables to his disciples. Somehow our inability to see or hear God is part of God's mysterious work, too. Huh.
I also know the passage from Mark 7, where Jesus puts his fingers inside the ears of a deaf/mute man, touched his tongue and said, "Ephphatha," which means "Be opened." And immediately his ears were opened and he could speak. Jesus makes hearers who can speak, because the gospel is a Word-event.
Three weeks ago, I stepped off an airplane in Florida and my left ear was still pressurized; basically full of fluid, closed, impairing my hearing. I spent the ELCA World Hunger leaders gathering in a kind of fog, because of the strange impairment. Everything sounded like I was underwater. I returned home with the stomach bug and a nasty sinus/head cold. The doctor prescribed anti-biotics and sent me home. I didn't recover well. I caught pneumonia. And two weeks later, my other ear filled with fluid. So now, I am really struggling to hear. I have not been healthy enough to visit people for several weeks. Who wants their pastor to visit when he's coughing up a lung and unable to hear? Imagine that visit: "So Pastor, I was wondering what I should do about...(interrupted by loud coughing and..)Pastor: "Excuse me, what did you say?" Not the most pastoral visit, right? Other than the hearing trouble and the occasional lack of oxygen/coughing fit, I feel fine. But I've basically quarantined myself.
The other part of the hearing trouble is the inability to monitor my own voice very well. It has affected speech. I can hear myself in my head, but my voice sounds to me like I'm stuck inside a sound-proof container. Last Sunday only one of my ears was shut. Preaching was...okay. This Sunday they may both be impaired. Not sure how that's going to go.
I've explained to my congregation. I've complained a little. Okay, maybe a lot. I'm just frustrated, you know? I'm living with a condition that is hindering my ministry and leadership.
At the same time, there are perks. I have had more time to dwell in silence, to read, to pray, even meditate some. I have been able to write more, too. I have organized some stuff.
I wonder if Lent will be like this and if I will wake up on Easter morning with restored hearing. I wonder this because I believe that could happen. If God raised Jesus from the dead, they can clean out my ears. I actually believe this could be God's way of delivering me into Lenten isolation.
I have thought about the youth group icebreaker in which the group is asked to respond to the question: If you had to lose one of your senses, hearing or sight, which would you choose? I have always chosen sight, because I am so auditory. I love music and voices and sounds. I love birds chirping and James Taylor's guitar and my wife's singing and my children's voices. I can hear these things now. I'm not deaf. Just muffled. But it makes me appreciative of my ears.
When I heal, I plan to spend more time listening and less time talking. I know that sounds cliche'. But I don't care.
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