LCP in 3

I spent three hours inside lancaster Co. prison today. I talked with two guys, both heading upstate for armed robbery, auto theft, and who knows what else. Drug use started early, started at home with mom or dad or both. Both said that they have thought long and hard about why they did what they did when they did it.Both recongnize that their actions were irrational and unnecessary. one of them told me that he met his girlfriend in a porn shop, where he was dealing drugs. I also learned that he used to enjoy landscaping and that he loves kids--though he has no children. he was raising his girlfriends three kids when he was arrested. he has done time in four prisons and LCP is the worst.
we talked about God and Jesus. One of the guys s struggling with biblical "inconsistencies". he is learning that the bible is not one uniform text, but many texts over many centuries written ina context very different from ours. And yet, somehow the bible speaks to us,too. even with its inconsistencies.
The other guy has grown skepticalby seeing jailhouse religion. I mentioned that religion and God are not the same thing. Religion is what we do to seek God or bargain with God or assuage our guilt. But it is possible for God to actually transform people from the inside out.
I will see both of these guys again, i suspect. Even though the guards forgot about me and I was left inside for anhour past the designated time of visit.
I began to uncover some sense of brokenness, loneliness, maybe even some yearning for a better story than the one they've been told, or the one they're telling about the world and themselves in it. I'm not sure what to make of these visits yet. Why do I go? What good will come? is God using me or is the devil testing me in some way? I just keep hearing Jesus say, "I was in prison and you visited me." does that include serious felons? Is there a line? can grace become too foolish or dangerous? I actually thought, whatif this comes back to hurt me or my family in some way? might some paroled guy try to take advantage of me on the outside? interesting how fear can creep in. We'll see how it goes next week. Three hours in prison visitaton is longer than I spent in prison visitation in my first 7years of ministry. Why am I suddenly being sent there? for whom? For what? is God really sending me or am I being works righteous? It does seem that as I make more connections with people,bringing the message of the kingdom to them in some smalll way, the more I feel the weight of my own sin. Sometimes I feel like I'm more stuck than others, like a hypocrite for living this way. Everyday is a day for which I need forgiveness and healing from GOD. I pray that as I am forgiven and healed, somight I heal and forgive...